Busy?

So it’s been what.. Like 3 months or so since I last posted? It has been a while. believe me, I’ve been meaning to write what has been happening to me. It’s just that sometimes I can never get the inspiration to do so. My thoughts have never been concrete and concise. It would always try to switch to another topic and long. like now.

Anyways, today was an okay day. I did great I guess in Filipino. I had to write a composition yesterday and I received a B on my paper which is something that’s not so bad considering that it’s in Filipino. I like my Fil class. Too bad that it won’t last that long. It ends three weeks from now. And it’s kinda sad cuz I still want to see my crush hahaha! Every morning in filipino class. Awesome much? I’m on my way to practice my almost non-existent piano skills. Wish me luck on improving

Magic is Gone *poof*

I’ve always known myself as being a firm believer of magic or the fairy stuff they sell to kids. I know that it’s not true. But i just can’t help but continue placing my faith in them. The happily ever after that they sell to kids. I still believe on HEAs. anyways, as we all know, Christmas and New Year has always given hope to every child that something magical on the holiday would happen. that’s why everyone gets so excited for Christmas and for New Year. . .

I’m realizing now that as people grow older the magic diminishes. It’s weird how this year i didn’t even feel the Christmas Spirit that everyone has been raving about. The holiday where in everyone’s out celebrating does not give me any kind of joy. Yesterday Night was New Year’s eve night, the night when parents would let their kids stay awake until the new year comes so that they could stay and watch the beautiful fireworks. I used to be so excited about it. A few years ago, i remember being so excited for the fireworks that i got so tired of waiting and i fell asleep. When i woke up, the fireworks were all gone and i was the only one who was awake. I cried my eyes out that night. . See how much it meant to me then? . . . . . . it’s sad that when people were all welcoming the year 2012. I was in my parents room fixing DVDs with my little sister. My parents were already drunkenly sleeping. and everyone was in their rooms. My sister had sneaked a peek at the fireworks display outside the window. While i watched her, I saw the magical feeling about new year in her eyes. The magic of the holiday. And i thought to myself. Soon she’ll be saying goodbye.

I do hate growing up. i never wished on becoming older. I HATE growing old. I don’t want the responsibilities. the pressure . the everything. i never wanted the magic to be gone. i wanted it to stay. .  Sadly, i already said my goodbyes.

Hope this blog didn’t put anyone down. Happy 2012!

Hopeful,

Herculean Girl

It’s not real

I’ve always had a problem with words. I love writing down the stuff that’s going on in my head but hahah writing it down doesn’t mean it makes a lot of sense. Well, yesterday my parents had a big fight. It was about money again. It’s always about moneynwhich makes it a lot harder. I don’t think having money would solve everything as well. People think it would and they think that it’s always the root of everything. No it’s not. They maybe talking about money but it’s not always about money.

So today, i ate breakfast with my younger siater. Just when i finished. I heard my dad asking the maid to get his LV Luggages. And he came down with a backpack. I asked him where he was going he didn’t answer me. . . I didn’t know what to do. People might say you go after him. And if i did that, what do i say? I have nothing to say. He’s been thinking about this for a long time, i think…. I still feel that it’s not true. That he would still come back. Maybe i’m stopping myself from believeing it. Becaus if i accept the fact that he left. I don’t think he’ll come back. My sister cried. So when my dad left. The maid was like, i thought you guys already knew. She said that she saw him packing a lot of things and she asked him where he was going. He didn’t answer but instead he said goodbye to fudgy. He is leaving. But i know he’s coming back. He would never leave us. No he wont.

I know hat worrying won’t do anything but i’m worried for my mom. She is the strongest person i know. It’s as if she doesn’t have any weakness. I don’t know what to do. I musnt over react. My dad’s coming back. For the now, i’ll have to wait for something. .i wonder how my mom will react. What will she do? . . . .

My name really is ironic. Herculean girl. I must be strong. Believe that we’re still complete.

Must stay optimistic it’s almost Christmas anyways.

Herculean Girl :/

What i don’t understand (1)

Today (September 27, 2011) Typhoon Petring came for a visit. It was the first time that i didnt know about a typhoon coming. Oh well. It started to rain hard last night. Honestly, the fact that we only had two weeks left for the first sem bothered me so much that i didnt even wish or hope for a free day. But lo and behold, whatever i dont want, happens. So i woke up, after sleeping for only seven hours becuase of the LONG TEST IN BIO (which btw was cancelled), i thought that i overslept. I hurriedly checked my phone to make sure what time it was and saw that our block rep texted for the suspension of classes. Woopie doo.

So here’s what i don’t understand.

I spent most of the entire day in my room. Being productive. I have already advanced by two chapters in math. I started thinking of ideas for filipino scrapboook. Fixed my closet. Fixed my things for tomorrow. Made some designs for filipino. So yeah. I did spend the entire day in my room cuz i didnt want to start a fight with anyone.

WTF. i spent the ENTIRE day in my room but when i went out for like a maximum of three hours. I got shout at by my mom. Ignored by my dad. Side commented by the third sister and basically. It made me feel horrible. It’s hard to ignore them becuase what they always do is insult insult and insult. No break. Facebook, Twitter, and even BBM. WordPress is my safe haven. I barely spoke two words to them. I don’t even spend that much time with them, because of the fact that they’re horrible when i’m around. It’s as if they’re all telling me to destroy my own existence.

So Yeah. This is why i tell myself. “BE STRONG”

This is why i’m defensive. No one is gonna fight for me, i fight my own battles.

I can do it on my own and i will.

-HerculeanGirl

Inspiration

Hercules

That’s where i got my inspiration.

I can’t seem to write the thoughts that’s inside my head. The image of what hercules is to me means so much. He’s the perfect guy. So i thought by being the girl version i would be able to reach the same point. Be the perfect girl. But of course it’s not gonna be easy. I admit to myself sometimes that nobody is perfect, but i’m sure that there is a possiblity to be perfect. Only if we perservere and just go the distance like hercules.

Random thoughts 1

Sometimes i wonder about my existence. Am i here to cause distress to other people’s lives? Am i here to bring blessings? Am i here to just wonder why i’m here? I get so confused that most of the times i can’t get my self to just relax and sleep. But still lying in my bed i wonder. Why am i here?

Looking around me, i can’t help but thank God. He has given me so much and sometimes too much. I don’t understand why. There are times that i even doubt about my belief in God. I know He exists but i doubt myself. There are questions, a lot of questions. Sometimes having these questions in my head gives me some sort of a lift. It makes me feel as if i’m “smart”. A scientist is curious. Although i dont plan on becoming one, I feel happy feeling that i get to be like them. I get to curious.

Curiosity killed the cat. It may have killed the cat but it won’t kill me. I’ve been curious of a lot of things surrounding me. I thirst for knowledge as well as wisdom. But knowing that my life will come to an end, i cant help but wonder. Is it all worth it? Living a life that will be soon taken away by God seems pointless. You get to live and yet you have to abide by a set of rules. Rules on how to treat people. On how to act. On how to behave. Rules, rules, rules, i get sick of them sometimes.

I worry that a girl like me who’s in her college years studying law hates rules. I love them when it’s for other people. Without the rules, there will be anarchy. But i hate it when it’s placed on me. That’s why i’m worried. A girl who’s studying law hates rules. Laws are rules. It’s like an anorexic studying food. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Makes sense. Nah. Don’t think so.

Anyway. This post is full of nonsense. I hope i didnt waste your time. Bye now.

<3 HerculeanGirl

A letter of apology

I remembered always apologizing for what i did wrong. But my mom was kinda tired of it cuz i was always apologizing. I didnt know then that when you apologize for something it means that you won’t do it again. It means that you learned something new. Well, here’s a letter of apologies to my parents.
I’ve been doing a lot of mistakes these day. And i dont blame it on being only “human”, because most of the time i dont really think of myself as being a person who’s allowed to commit some mistakes. It does stress me out sometimes trying to be right. I’ve got too many people that would argue with me. That’s why i try to show you two that i can be strong. That i’m always correct even if it means that i should be fighting with everyone else. I knew from an early age that no one but me would always be there to stand up for me. No one would always be there to dust my butt off and say that everything is all right. It’s human nature. You enter the world alone and you leave alone. The stress is killing me and don’t know why. The pressure of being perfect every single day is disheartening. No one could be right at every thing they do. It’s just not possible. Trying would just mess up your head. I’m just saying that could you guys just give us some slack for being ourselves?
Funny how i asked that. Because you could never do that. Aim for perfect and you’ll be one. No one is perfect. NO ONE.

TrueThis,
HerculeanGirl

Facebook

Facebook is fun, but not all the time. It doesnt get fun when people use facebook to bash other people. Some people use facebook to hurt other people, like posting a status update or a picture without a specific name on it. They are asking for fight. And it’s funny how their defense would be “You’re name wasn’t there why would be so affected? That must mean that you’re guilty”. Cuz They think that by doing that it’s clever. Because if a person gets affected with he/she says then it means he/she must be guilty. By then, if you do encounter a situation like that it’s best not stoop down their level. Get your mind off that and move on. You’ll never grow by looking back.

I-believe-so,
HerculeanGirl

Second day of retreat

*sigh* Another day. I thought that today was gonna be awesome. But no it wasn’t. Choices of clothes. SUCKED. The only good thing was the workshop about love. True love waits. Hahahhah infatuation!

Sooo much for that. It was a bore. Tricia wanted to try the zip line they had but the school didn’t allow us. I spent an hour under the sun just waiting for her! Soooo dark now )

I’m so hungry! Tonight was our talents night. A LOT of people cried. Like a lot of teacher(only one), supervisor(one?), and students. Our school is very strict with dancing and stuff. So the other section was doing this disco slash hip hop kinda dance. Hahahah it wasnt allowed, but they pushed through. And the blame was placed on their freshman adviser. As in new teacher for this year. The teacher felt bad and went to hide the students panicked cuz they can’t find their teacher. OVERREACTION. but they found him.

By the End of the night, everyone was crying, eating noodles, shouting, jumping, taking pictures, and eating hahahh nocturnal!
Its not even our last night yet. Ugh! I don’t want to got to school anymore two more days and one more night! AWESOME.

NOT!!! Haven’t finished my freaking book report.

See you next time

Love HerculeanGirl

First day of retreat

Today was our first day in our retreat. So far so good. I found out that my cabin mates are the people I least talk to. Like in my entire life in grace. It’s all good though:)

I woke up at 3am! Imagine that! I played sims until it was like 5 by then i cooked my breakfast and went to take a bath. This sucked because I arrived in the bus without any seat reserved for me. But I fake persuaded a guy in my class that seating in the back is so much better than in the front. I scored his seat BTW!

After a few grueling hours in the freaking bus, we finally arrived! We won the first two games. Our class:) I like to think that it’s because of me ) hahahahhahah just kidding!

And one last thing, movie today = BOOORING! Fell asleep like two times during the entire show. I loved my seat whenever I turn back I would see .. Till next time )

Love HerculeanGirl